I had a moment of clarity this morning, a wonderful reminder that it is okay to feel strong emotions, so we can let them go, to bring new and wondrous things into our lives. It is an opportunity to be able to move out of the grief and beyond, when we allow ourselves to express and experience the grief to begin with. The society we have been brought up in doesn’t condone showing emotion, particularly for men. Well its about time that all changed! We would live much healthier and happier lives if we were able to express our emotions without having to worry about others expectations, and in turn our own. You can make a change right now, to change your own expectations of yourself and others.
My grandmother’s funeral was today. It was in Northern Ireland and for a number of reasons I couldn’t be there. So today has been a bit of weird day for me, but mainly sad. My DH and I went for a walk in the woods, which was great – it gave me the chance to feel a sense of peace and connectedness, but it also allowed me to acknowledge how sad I was feeling. I realised that I was doing what so many of us do, which is fighting the feeling of sadness – that is just too painful to remain in that space, wanting to ‘snap out of it’ and feel ‘normal’ again. Well, ironically as I write this, I recognise that these feelings are ‘normal’…. What is ‘normal’ afterall ?- everyone has a different perception or definition. I transgress…
Anyway, I realised I was being impatient and didn’t want to experience feeling such sadness. It occurred to me, especially because of the work I have done, personally going through the untimely loss of my mother and a miscarriage/ infertility too, and through The Journey experience, that I was forgetting something. We have to embrace these strong emotions of loss, to be able to move past and beyond them, and to heal. (That doesn’t mean you forget the person you lost, it just means you are able to let go of the pain, and remember them in genuine and positive way through the wonderful memories you have created together. Their death doesn’t define them.) This might not apply to miscarriage or grieving the vision of what our life might have been like – but it is grief all the same. Some of us hang onto our grief wearing it like a banner for years and years, but how is that serving us and honouring life at large? Its a great question to ask yourself.
Through The Journey, which is about healing at a cellular level from emotional and physical wounds, it became very clear to me that we have to confront our feelings and emotions, to get a sense of freedom and of letting go. To me, being able to let go, allows us to bring new possibilities into our lives… to be able to keep going and striving, and living! I am not saying put a time limit on your grieving, but allow yourself the opportunity to grieve, when it arises – this will help you move through the process of grieving more quickly.
So today, I sit in quiet contemplation embracing my grief not just for this grandmother but also for others I have lost and for myself. I cancelled all my appointments because I owe it to myself, I let the tears come when they come,and I am nurturing my soul.
Bless all those of you who are grieving. Know that we are all connected. www.thejourney.com