Pregnancy – Is It Possible for You?

Can you get pregnant?  For many of us, the repeated failure to conceive is the first indication that our path to parenthood is taking an unexpected turn.  I remember feeling so defeated each month when my period showed up despite my best efforts to time, measure, and track every observable detail of my reproductive cycle.

And then there were those cycles when I thought and hoped with every fiber of my being that I was … perhaps … actually pregnant.

Kaboom! Hope was shattered sending splinters through my heart and soul when, damn it, again the bleeding would start. WTF!

And then there was the time when I thought I was pregnant … and trying so hard to keep breathing, to not hold my breath, to keep moving so the days could pass … and what, are you sure. By all that’s holy … I was actually, measurably pregnant.

Fireworks! Dancing! Singing! Massive celebration at the soul level!

I can get pregnant!

But the serious-business folks at the clinic told me they were “cautiously optimistic” – the blood test result was a low value and the odds were against holding the pregnancy.

Way to kill my buzz.

No matter, for today I am pregnant.  Today I stand in the space of possibility.  Today I acknowledge and celebrate that I CAN.

And, I can also acknowledge that I want a healthy embryo who can grow into a healthy baby.  I stand whole-heartedly in that possibility too.

And if this embryo cannot develop into a healthy baby, I acknowledge that my body’s wisdom will release this pregnancy.

I stand in that possibility and maintain my focused commitment to creating a healthy pregnancy.

In every conception there is a touch of magic, a miracle, a sprinkle of pixie dust … whatever you want to call it.  Every element must come together just so.  And even under lab conditions, putting all the right elements together in an optimal environment, without that touch of magic, a baby cannot develop.

This is the piece that is out of our hands – out of the hands of the humans who do their part in love or in technology.  Only in the hands of the Great Spirit, natural forces of the Universe, or however you want to identify it – that’s the magic key.  Our best practice is to acknowledge this truth and respect its wisdom.

Have you celebrated your pregnancies?  Even if you miscarried.  How beautifully magical that you conceived!

Can you stand in the place of possibility?

How does it feel when you consider standing in the place of possibility?

Try this on if you need some help accessing that place of possibility:

I am standing in possibility.
I can see so many directions to go.
In this moment I am  ____________________
I give thanks that I am ___________________
What does tomorrow hold? No need to spend today on that.
I feel my joy.
I feel my pain.
I remember and feel love.
This is how I live fully.

As always, I’d love to hear from you.

Free Fertility Support for You from 20 Holistic Experts!

I know you’re struggling to conceive or panicked about miscarriages or you wouldn’t be visiting this blog. Well I’ve got something totally exciting to share today!! My friend Mayer Goyer has put together a series of training calls to support you — with the help of 20 fertility experts. Learn how you can use their advice as you develop your very own holistic plan — one that works with your body and your values.

This FREE online event is designed with your needs in mind. Mary and 19 of today’s top experts in the field know your’re looking for straight talk and proven advice on:

• How to clear away the toxins and sources of stress that make conception difficult
• Ways to open up constriction in your body and improve reproductive circulation
• Natural remedies for fibroids, PCOS, and many other physical issues you face
• Emotional and spiritual absolutes — to stay sane, peaceful, and connected

I know you’ll want to grab your spot right away. Click here to register — you’ll get 20 training call for free! And if you can’t make a call live, replays will be available shortly after each call.

Embarking on the Infertility Rollercoaster

An Interview with Julie Pierce

click to listen

Have you been trying for a baby for a while now, and you’re now having to seek alternative methods to conceive successfully?

Have you been going down the road of IUI’s and IVF’s and still on that rollercoaster journey?

Have you experienced loss during your journey – with miscarriage in early stage or even late stage of pregnancy?

Wherever you are on this journey, it’s becoming commonly known that there are few things everyone experiences:

• obsession with the fertility process
• loss of balance with self, life and partnerships
• a seeking for supporting the body and mind through alternative therapies
• a confusion on which choices to make and when

and so much more…

In this interview, I’ll be sharing what to expect through this journey in much more detail and informaiton on how best to support yourself during your experience.  I’ll also share about my journey of heartache and success, and what I know you can do differently to feel whole, balanced, and healthy on your journey.

Please share this with anyone you think might also be interested.

Talk to you soon!

Pursuing Parenthood – Evolving Perspectives

When we are trying to conceive but don’t, or when we do conceive and then lose a pregnancy, we mourn a life that has not been realized. This can happen to us month over month or pregnancy after pregnancy. Each of these experiences of loss and missed expectation creates a growing mountain of compounding grief that we carry around, cope with, and suffer through one way or another. We can stay stuck in the perspective that there is only one acceptable way to achieve our goal around parenthood. Or, consider this … we can find a bit of relief in creating our own experience of expansion.

Once my partner and I had fully committed to the idea that we truly wanted to be parents, I approached conception like all of my other goals. My targeted focus and consequential achievement had been a reliable pattern … till now.

When I was trying to get pregnant month after month, I felt that my body was laughing in my face with the arrival of my period. I see now that my reaction was to dig my heels in even deeper with the determination that I was so totally going to do this thing. Does this ring any bells for you?

You could not tell me that I was not going to get pregnant. You could not tell me that I was infertile. The fact that none of the “experts” could give me and my partner a clear explanation about why we were not conceiving was frustrating, but it also gave me continuous hope that in the absence of any biochemical reason standing in our way, there was no real reason that we would not get pregnant. And therefore, of course we should keep doing it the good ol’ fashion way and eventually the sperm and the egg would get their acts together. As I’m sure you can relate, this was a huge tax on our relationship and our enjoyment of sex. “Perform, damn it! Now’s the time!” — we went through this pressure repeatedly.

As time continued to tick, tick, tick away — my eggs were not getting any fresher — I reluctantly went on to open up bit-by-bit to more medical investigation and eventually intervention, otherwise known as assisted reproduction. I was standing in the attitude of, “Seriously, I need assistance with this?” I was used to being self-sufficient, independent, in charge of my own outcomes. Turns out this was really not a helpful attitude or perspective. Over time, my attitude softened … I was, in a way, forced to surrender more and more of my constricted definition of what was an acceptable way for me to become a parent. As I moved into a more expanded perspective, I experienced a lightening of the intensity and stress. This was not the ultimate magic bullet, but it was definitely a useful evolution in supporting my health, my significant relationships, and the enhancement of my ability to conceive and carry to term.

I’m wondering how your goal of family building could be requiring you to find a new perspective, one that you may not have originally planned for. How has your fertility journey changed your perspective on growing your family? Please comment below.

Fertility Journey Survey: Findings

Many women would have liked the support of a fertility coach from the beginning of the fertility journey and believe it would have reduced much confusion, fear, frustration, overwhelm, and the slide toward depression.

In February 2012, I began surveying women about their experience with the pursuit of parenthood and the fertility challenges that came up for them. By the end of March, I closed the survey so that I could take some time to organize and reflect on what participants had shared with me.

Depending on the ability to coordinate schedules and each woman’s desired level of participation, some surveys were conducted on the phone, in person, or via an electronic form. Much of the survey content is derived from the story-telling of each journey, but there were some yes/no and categorized-answer questions as well.

While each journey is significantly unique, there are some very clear common threads, the most obvious one being the focused, driving desire to become a parent. This focus is usually directed toward becoming pregnant, but sometimes intended parents find themselves making choices from a menu they had never considered part of their palette.

Here are some of the highlights:

93% of survey respondents have had, are having, or plan to have fertility treatments of one kind or another. Treatments are defined as actions on the physical body to enhance chances of conception and delivery. These actions may include acupuncture, herbs, dietary changes, application of oral or injectable medications or hormones, medical investigative procedures, and surgeries.

67% of participants who are no longer trying to conceive and deliver their first child said they would have liked the support of a fertility coach during their fertility journey. Many sought out support from online forums and friends who had also experienced challenges. Many expressed an interest in a managed and directed support group for women specifically going through same treatment protocols provided by fertility clinics. Many also believed that having the support of a fertility coach from the beginning of the journey would have reduced much confusion, fear, frustration, overwhelm, and the slide toward depression.

On average, women tried for 3 or more years before actually conceiving and carrying to term or giving up on the idea of carrying their own baby. This includes women experiencing secondary infertility as well as those trying to have their first baby.

It surprised me that only 17% of the women I surveyed were considering adoption or had found adoption to be the right answer for them. Those who have adopted are consistently and markedly passionate about their choice, and they generally feel moved to encourage others to include this option on their list of possibilities.

In general, the use of donor eggs and the option of surrogacy were not included in the vision of possibilities even when I asked the question directly. The idea of donor eggs evoked sadness at the thought that they would not be part of the makeup of their child. Some women were turned off by the cost of these two options, which is interesting in light of the fact that almost 20% would consider adoption even with it’s high cost. However, it is informative to remember that foster-to-adopt programs greatly reduce the cost.

94% of the women I surveyed responded that they experienced a couple or all of the following feelings: failure; disappointment; betrayal.

67% of the participants believe they would make different choices if they were to rewind and start over. The most popular changes mentioned include:

~ Moving forward with life goals and activities instead of putting life on hold while trying to conceive
~ Letting the desire to be a parent affect them sooner rather than waiting for the “right” time
~ Discontinuing relationships that got in the way of pursuing the desire to become parents
~ Getting clear on the desire to be parents and seeking help sooner
~ Pursuing satisfying information and answers, no longer tolerating unanswered questions and confusion

Although there are plenty of other larger, more clinical and academic surveys done in this area, I wanted to do my own query into the things that struck me personally as important considerations. The questions I created were initially sparked from reflecting on my own fertility challenges and the desire to have a fuller understanding of the vast range of experiences encountered on this path. I have learned so much by connecting with the survey participants and their stories, and I know that the quality of the service I can provide has improved as a result of this expanded perspective.  Thank you to everyone who contributed and participated.

If you are interested in sharing your fertility journey story with me — whether you’re just beginning, are in the middle of it, or have moved on — I would love to hear from you. Please contact me in any of the ways mentioned on my Contact Page. If you have comments or thoughts about the results I’ve presented here, please share in the comments thread below the post.

Have you been the partner, friend, or relative of someone facing fertility challenges? I’d love to hear your observations of their journey too. Please contact me using any of the ways presented on my Contact Page.

I look forward to hearing from you and thanks for reading.

Coach Louise and Coach Julie

Dear blog reader,

Coach Louise began this blog with the intention that it be a place to share stories, ask questions, get support in a safe place of understanding and compassion, as well as a source for information on the topic of infertility, miscarriage, treatments etc. I am so excited to be taking over the administration of the blog and continuing on the mission of supporting you on your unique fertility journey. If you’d like to know more about me and what I offer, please click About Julie or visit Whole Vision Coaching. I’m so glad you’re here. Most importantly, I really want you to understand that you are not alone and this part of your adventure does not define who you are.

Having experienced the frustrations of unexplained infertility personally, I recognize that the experience can be isolating when the people around you don’t necessarily understand what you are going through. It is also often the first crisis couples come up against where there is really no control over the outcome. I want to connect with you and give you as much support as possible to lead a life full of joy and balance no matter the outcome of your pursuit of parenthood. I can also help to guide you and propose different alternatives that you might not have considered yet from a purely objective point of view.

Ultimately, I can offer you a space like a comfy sofa that you can fall into to feel comforted and reassured and so much more while on this unexpectedly challenging journey.

With love,
Coach Julie

Facts and Causes of Miscarriage

I read the latest Conceive-on-line, this morning and thought this article was interesting and wanted to share it with you…
	Miscarriage: The Facts conceive’s library – pregnancy loss Early pregnancy loss is so common that many obstetricians consider it a normal part of reproduction. That doesn’t make the loss any easier. Learn about the seven most common miscarriage causes, and how to up your chances for a healthy pregnancy. A few months after my first child was born, I wanted to be pregnant again—as soon as possible. I wanted my children to be close in age, the closer the better, and when my son was 13 months old, I got my wish and discovered I was pregnant. But before I even had a chance to share the news with my husband (he was traveling out of the country), I miscarried. I was only five weeks pregnant. Truth be told if we hadn’t been trying to conceive, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed that my period was late—and so I was surprised by how sharply I felt the loss. My obstetrician’s observations that I was in good company—that around 15 percent of “known” pregnancies (i.e., pregnancies confirmed with a test), and up to half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first trimester—didn’t soothe my sadness. Nor did his assurance that the miscarriage wasn’t caused by something I had done, or hadn’t done, that it was “just one of those things.” But I was comforted when I considered the other statistic: that most of the time miscarriage is a one-time occurrence. If you have had a miscarriage, chances are you want to know what caused it, and what you can do to prevent it from happening again. For starters, relax. “Since you got pregnant once, the odds are 80 percent that you will go on to have a healthy baby, and as many healthy babies after that as you want,” says Henry Lerner, M.D., clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Harvard Medical School and author of Miscarriage: Why it Happens and How Best to Reduce Your Risks (Perseus Book Group, 2003). Next, accept that you may never know why you miscarried. “The majority of the time miscarriage is a random, isolated event and we can’t pinpoint a cause,” he says. Women who go on to have two or three miscarriages (called recurrent miscarriage) may ultimately learn they have a medical problem that is causing their pregnancies to end spontaneously, but even with recurrent miscarriage, half the time there is no known cause. Like most women who lose a pregnancy, I will never know why I miscarried, but I did get pregnant again, about two months later. My second baby was born two weeks after her brother’s second birthday. They are, as it turns out, close enough. Here’s a look at the most common causes of both single and recurrent miscarriage….. http://www.conceiveonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=169&Itemid=101 (cut and paste in browser if not connecting through link) I hope you find the info useful. Coach Louise The status of this blog

How to determine the quality of your eggs or sperm!

Hi folks,

This is such a big question, but in truth there is a lot you can do improve the quality of either eggs or sperm!   It takes 3 months for follicles to mature into eggs, and also the same time for sperm to develop ready for ejaculation.    So it stands to reason that you want to give yourself at least a few months before you start seriously trying to fall pregnant to take care of things on your end!

Discovery Health did a recent documentary on men drinking a mix of fruit and veg smoothies twice a day for a few months, and the quality of their sperm increased dramatically.  These men were chosen as they were not successfully creating a pregnancy with their partner, and this was because their sperm was not up to scratch.   So even making that simple change can make the world of difference.   Often individuals, women and men included are not getting enough minerals and nutrients through their diet,  so this is a great place to start looking at how you can influence the outcome of fertility issues.

Minerals are also really important, so nuts like Brazil nuts are great because of zinc and selenium for men to produce healthy sperm.  Men, and women, need folic acid, so choose lot of green leafy vegetables to put into your smoothies, or juicing.   (if you’re juicing, which incidentally I love, make sure you are taking in enough fibre during the day, as juicing would not be enough)   Make sure you are mixing vegies and fruit as you want a really good mix of nutrients.  By the way asparagus has lots of folic acid!

I am by no means an expert but from my own experience and from all the reading and research I do, this seems to be a great platform to start from.

To add to the mix, do a little exercise too.  Don’t go crazy, and don’t do it in fits and starts – if you do that, it can potentially do more damage than good.   Fit regular exercise into your routine that gets the blood circulating.  Like walking or swimming.   For women, hard exercise is going to detract from the fertility process, so make sure you are moving but make it gentle.

Let me know how you get on!  Ultimately what this says to me, is rthat we really need to take good care of ourselves first!  Nature’s way of preparing us for taking good care of the little ones we will bring into this world!  And that we are able to do something before we resort to other methods and extremes.  Good luck!

Warmly,

Coach Louise

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He or she would have been 1 today.

Today is the day that I would have given birth to my baby one year ago, if my baby hadn’t miscarried.  I am sending loving thoughts to that little soul that couldn’t stay.

I have just participated in a call on With Forgiveness, and I found myself talking about my anger and sadness.  I feel grateful for having the opportunity to forgive myself for the expectations I have had of myself – as a woman, for feeling ‘less than’ and undeserving, and for having expectations that my journey would look a certain way.  I am letting go of what that journey will look like, and how children will feature in my life.  Thats not me giving up, thats just being open to new possibilities.

I am opening myself up to my sadness of not being a mother as much as I would like to be right now, at a time when we are ‘giving thanks’. ( My mind says why should I be giving thanks…)  In my heart I know there are so many things I am able to give thanks for – I am going to think about all the things in my life I am grateful for, and flood myself with love and compassion over the next few days.   This too, shall pass.

Louise

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House – made me cry!

I just watched House, and watched Cutty have to accept that the girl who’s baby she was going to adopt, decided to keep the baby.  I just howled.   It brought up so much emotion for me.  This when I realiseI am still grieving through this process – it really is a back and forth thing.   It made me think of the baby I lost, that would be 1 yr old come Thanksgiving, and that of course set me off again.  Its weird because I haven’t really felt that sad in a fairly long time.  Must have been waiting to jump out at just the right moment.   Poor DH didn’t quite know what to do with me.  Anyway I got out of bed, to cry a little bit more, and do some distracting activities like this.  It helps to write it down and share it with you.  And DH has gone to bed cuddling the cat, after offering to cuddle me.   I thought it best to do something else, otherwise I would have eyes like Quasimodo in the morning.  Not pretty.

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